"Meet the Beavers."
In walks Virginia. The trashiest of the trash & the arch nemesis of proper tooth care. I can hear her chomping a mile away. She's about 6'0, 230lbs. about six teeth to her name, all sticking outward & fucked, always noming on gum. She loans us a 10k white gold ring that weighs next to nothing & has a nice, little opal stone at the apex of the ring. She has a little companion named Pedro that always pawns his toolbox. It's just a toolbox, nothing fancy. Just a red tool box with tools in it for $10. Pedro stands about 5'1, pushing 150lbs soaking wet & he smells, he smells dreadful. The kind of smells that can only meet when one pisses himself & basks in the glory for days without a shower so you have all the other matter that gets built up on one's body. It's like the smell of Silver & Copper after they've aged for a while. Very rich in smell. And quite bitter..
Virginia & Pedro walk in one day as he has come to pick up his tools & her, her ring but they're also carrying a stereo. A stereo that we had sold to them for $40. This thing wasn't worth $40 & I(we) knew this. But alas, the glory of the pawn shop. Ms. Virginia is looking to sell the stereo back for the exact amount that she bought it for. She genuinely believes that she will get $40 for this stereo when it was over priced to begin with. These are the kind of people that will come in to pay the interest on their current loan, i.e. The ring, give her $10, she pays $2 interest every month just so we can hold it another month & then buys something else in here like a stereo that she, more than likely, doesn't need whatsoever. What the fuck. Go to the dentist. I don't know what some people are thinking. You may be missing a tooth or two but you're not missing your skull. There's a fucking brain in there some where. So as it goes, we tell her we will not even buy it & she doesn't understand.. She storms out back into her 1994 Ford Probe, complete with exhaust & spoiler. Meanwhile, we have Pedro, getting his tools as calm as can be. Poor guy. Not only does he smell bad, I bet she beats him. I wasn't here for this but one time they got caught up in an argument & he stuck up for himself, telling her in a Speedy Gonzalez-esque voice, "shut the fuck up, bitch." Awesome. Wish I could've been here for that.
The Beauty of a pawn shop is this - Anyone can make money off of opening a pawn shop. You see you don't really hear about pawn shops going out of business because as much as one would like to think that we're helping you, we are not. We're stealing from you. We're fucking you & we're fucking you hard, anally. It's just you're too numb or desperate to think about all the other options you have.. You won't believe how often people come in here trying to sell something to us for $X, when they could be making double the amount of $X off of craigs list or ebay. It's mind numbing. I plead of you, don't go to a pawn shop. If you're reading this, chances are you're doing well and/or your parents are doing well to have you somewhere where you can go on the world wide webs but don't go to a pawn shop. The weed, the abortion, the crack... With the amount you pay back in interest, you probably could've gotten two rocks or an eighth or maybe a dozen coat hangers. Kidding. But I do get to go to court for the first time cos some asshole decided to sell us a camera for $5 that was stolen. Now you're fucking my day, man.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
II
"I work at a pawn shop, I smoke weed & I lick assholes." - An awesome person.
I really am not keeping up with this as I thought I would. It seems as of late(since I started this), nothing too incredibly interesting has happened. Maybe I've just become desynthesized to the world & the wonderous people & situations it holds.
The steady customer with the dvds came in again. Selling about 10 brand new dvds & four seasons of Two and a Half Men & King of Queens. Let's do mathtime with Mike real quick. Each dvd still has the price tag from wal mart on it branding each at $19.99. At $19.99 a pop that equals $199.90. We do a dollar a piece here & thats if we don't already have it in our extensive array of 4,000 something odd movies, giving her a loss of(drumroll plz) $189.90. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!! I really want to just tell her no. so maybe she'll stop mass usage of benzos & get her shit straight. Who am I to say this though.. I obviously have my shit straight.
Now you can imagine the kinds of people that come in here. We're walking distance from two trailer parks & directly in the path of a Texaco from these trailer parks. Not to stereotype but I see at least five people a day walking to & from their trailer to the Texaco, walking back with a brown bag or a case. Sometime's I(we) get the joy of these people coming in. One guy came in standing about 5'5 in height, about a buck forty in stature. He had a heather gray shirt sagging off his body with grease stains all over it, boots from the 1980s, & those wonderful, built tough, wrangler jeans. He walks in all smug, watching over his back like the man was after him, in his hands a brown paperbag. Now as soon as I lock eyes with this guy I figure he's going to try & sell me some alcohol. Fuckin' aye man. He comes up to the counter, still all smug, dead set on getting some money. He asks, "You guys do loans here?" I reply, "Yeah man, we most certainly do." He continues to dump out the belongings that were encased in the brown bag. What follows in front of me is a tape measurer from the dollar store, a used porno dvd, & a screwdriver. I stand there for the better half of five seconds in straight dis-belief, thinking to myself, "you've got to be fucking kidding me." He then tries to hustle the "goods" off to me. I wish I could put into words the looks this guy was giving. Wide-eyed, death stare is how I'll describe it. I told him we wouldn't be able to buy any of that. I mean you couldn't even give that off to a bum let alone sell the shit or get a loan on it. I told him we couldn't do a loan on it & he looked crushed.. which then turned to anger. The look he gave me after I gave him the news kind of looked like Pinky in Next Friday. The part where they're in the record store & Pinky has the gun to Craig. Dude threw his shit back in the paper bag & waddled off, out of the store, not so smug anymore. Haven't seen the dude since.
Speaking of pornos - How our system works for pawns is you bring something in here, we assess the value to us which is usually right around 10-20% of the price you can get it brand new or used. I.E. a television you paid $600 for, depending on it's shape, you'll get about $50 to $100 for it. $50 for a loan, $100 to sell. We go by months & we'll keep your stuff in the back if you pay the interest on it. So when people don't pay the interest on their goods or come back in to buy it back from us(plus the 17% interest) it becomes our property for us to sell also known as being forfeited. So today a portable dvd player came into forfeit. Mark opens the bag to find the black memorex dvd player with lotion(or something) covering it. He then pulls out about ten porno dvds & immediately drops the dvd player. Now, I know this doesn't sound like much but what the fuck? What kind of fucked up human being walks around with a portable dvd player & ten pornos, jerking off, then pawns it? That's nasty. And what's even greater about it is the fact that someone will more than likely buy this not knowing all the hours spent sewing seeds onto this great, portable dvd device. Included in the ten pornos was Cum on my Black Ass 9, Black Girl Gang-Bangs, Fuck me Harder 5 and Dripping Wet Black Pussies 5. I really couldn't make this up. Here's to humanity.
I really am not keeping up with this as I thought I would. It seems as of late(since I started this), nothing too incredibly interesting has happened. Maybe I've just become desynthesized to the world & the wonderous people & situations it holds.
The steady customer with the dvds came in again. Selling about 10 brand new dvds & four seasons of Two and a Half Men & King of Queens. Let's do mathtime with Mike real quick. Each dvd still has the price tag from wal mart on it branding each at $19.99. At $19.99 a pop that equals $199.90. We do a dollar a piece here & thats if we don't already have it in our extensive array of 4,000 something odd movies, giving her a loss of(drumroll plz) $189.90. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!! I really want to just tell her no. so maybe she'll stop mass usage of benzos & get her shit straight. Who am I to say this though.. I obviously have my shit straight.
Now you can imagine the kinds of people that come in here. We're walking distance from two trailer parks & directly in the path of a Texaco from these trailer parks. Not to stereotype but I see at least five people a day walking to & from their trailer to the Texaco, walking back with a brown bag or a case. Sometime's I(we) get the joy of these people coming in. One guy came in standing about 5'5 in height, about a buck forty in stature. He had a heather gray shirt sagging off his body with grease stains all over it, boots from the 1980s, & those wonderful, built tough, wrangler jeans. He walks in all smug, watching over his back like the man was after him, in his hands a brown paperbag. Now as soon as I lock eyes with this guy I figure he's going to try & sell me some alcohol. Fuckin' aye man. He comes up to the counter, still all smug, dead set on getting some money. He asks, "You guys do loans here?" I reply, "Yeah man, we most certainly do." He continues to dump out the belongings that were encased in the brown bag. What follows in front of me is a tape measurer from the dollar store, a used porno dvd, & a screwdriver. I stand there for the better half of five seconds in straight dis-belief, thinking to myself, "you've got to be fucking kidding me." He then tries to hustle the "goods" off to me. I wish I could put into words the looks this guy was giving. Wide-eyed, death stare is how I'll describe it. I told him we wouldn't be able to buy any of that. I mean you couldn't even give that off to a bum let alone sell the shit or get a loan on it. I told him we couldn't do a loan on it & he looked crushed.. which then turned to anger. The look he gave me after I gave him the news kind of looked like Pinky in Next Friday. The part where they're in the record store & Pinky has the gun to Craig. Dude threw his shit back in the paper bag & waddled off, out of the store, not so smug anymore. Haven't seen the dude since.
Speaking of pornos - How our system works for pawns is you bring something in here, we assess the value to us which is usually right around 10-20% of the price you can get it brand new or used. I.E. a television you paid $600 for, depending on it's shape, you'll get about $50 to $100 for it. $50 for a loan, $100 to sell. We go by months & we'll keep your stuff in the back if you pay the interest on it. So when people don't pay the interest on their goods or come back in to buy it back from us(plus the 17% interest) it becomes our property for us to sell also known as being forfeited. So today a portable dvd player came into forfeit. Mark opens the bag to find the black memorex dvd player with lotion(or something) covering it. He then pulls out about ten porno dvds & immediately drops the dvd player. Now, I know this doesn't sound like much but what the fuck? What kind of fucked up human being walks around with a portable dvd player & ten pornos, jerking off, then pawns it? That's nasty. And what's even greater about it is the fact that someone will more than likely buy this not knowing all the hours spent sewing seeds onto this great, portable dvd device. Included in the ten pornos was Cum on my Black Ass 9, Black Girl Gang-Bangs, Fuck me Harder 5 and Dripping Wet Black Pussies 5. I really couldn't make this up. Here's to humanity.
Monday, October 26, 2009
I
It's amazing what people will do. Truly. Today, at about 11 am a fairly decent looking female with blonde hair & brown eyes came in the shop. I'm a sucker for brown eyes. Now working at a pawn shop, these are few & far between. The only attractive females that ever really come in here have been my girlfriend(s), Mark's baby momma, Stan's kool-aid, and Matt's wife(who is a total babe). Said girl brings her boyfriend in with her. The first thing they do is ask for Matt. Supposedly this girl was in an accident yesterday or two as she claims & there's bills to pay. First off, she has a diamond bracelet & a movado watch. The bracelet is about 1.75 to 2 carats in diamond weight & is white gold. Could easily be sold at a jewelry store for two to three grand. The whole time she's just saying, "It's a nice bracelet, It's a nice bracelet." She further explains that she hit a mailbox yesterday while she was looking at her cell phone & she ran into the back of someone yesterday because her brakes aren't too well off & the guy infront of her slammed on his brakes. She's a keeper! Dime a fucking dozen. For the watch & the bracelet Matt offers her $300. To which she replies, "I was expecting lyk, I dunno, maybe $500." The guy chimes in with, "Man, it's a nice bracelet. We payed a couple grand for that. It's kind of hard to swallow letting it go for that much." Ok man, get the fuck out. What do you expect? Honestly. Matt's whole selling point is we pay the most for gold & whatever else. We don't. Matt told them to check out this other pawn shop. That they would surely be in the door & then right back out. So the twenty-something-nothings start to walk out & it was apparant that Matt & the girl knew eachother the whole time. Come to find out, it was through mutual friends. Now the whole kicker of this is that the bracelet she brought in to sell was bought for her from Matt a couple months back by an ex-boyfriend of hers for $800 & we have this asshole talking about how much they payed for it. Well, it's about 2pm & they haven't been back. Fuck the Yankees & Fuck you, man.
We also have regulars here as one could imagine. A lady named Patricia came in earlier today, she has at least six loans open at all times from us, fairly certain she is a fan of benzos. As of this second there is a power washer, 40 dvds strewn throughout different loans, an angle grinder & a ring on loan for Miss Patricia. I see her at least twice a week. She usually comes in to sell off dvds. She'll literally go to wal-mart, buy the dvds & then come sell them here maybe a week later. We've gotten such gems as High School Musical 3 & What Happens in Vegas, not to exclude a plethora of Strawberry Shortcake movies. I'm pretty sure that's like a $14 loss for each dvd though.. So today, she comes into the shop with an "All-in-one printer" in a trashbag & one dvd. Crank Two. We just buy the dvd for a dollar & she's on her way saying she'll back in in a few with more goodies. Yes.
And now there's another frequent customer. I think something is wrong him though. I'm stuck between he actually has mental problems or he did a lot of acid/other pyschedlics growing up cos his brain just seems to be fried. Truly is a very nice guy. He kind of reminds me of someone who would be super into Elvis Costello & the boyscouts, which is cool, do you & do it well. He has super tight jeans pulled up to his belly button so his socks are showing with a weird, 60's esque pattern button down shirt tucked-in. Now when I say boyscouts, not the pedephile esque type deal I'm probably pompously making this dude sound like. Just really high pants with his tan socks showing, black pleather shoes, a red bandana around his neck, weird glasses that aren't glasses at all & a tan scuba diving hat. He kind of talks like the counselor that says, "mmkay" a lot on South Park & stutters a lot. He's usually in here for two hours at a time going back & forth between the 4,000 something dvds we have or the 400 cds on the wall we have. I feel like he literally goes through every single one reading the inserts. In fact, I know he does. What the fuck else do you do for two hours in a pawn shop?
We also have regulars here as one could imagine. A lady named Patricia came in earlier today, she has at least six loans open at all times from us, fairly certain she is a fan of benzos. As of this second there is a power washer, 40 dvds strewn throughout different loans, an angle grinder & a ring on loan for Miss Patricia. I see her at least twice a week. She usually comes in to sell off dvds. She'll literally go to wal-mart, buy the dvds & then come sell them here maybe a week later. We've gotten such gems as High School Musical 3 & What Happens in Vegas, not to exclude a plethora of Strawberry Shortcake movies. I'm pretty sure that's like a $14 loss for each dvd though.. So today, she comes into the shop with an "All-in-one printer" in a trashbag & one dvd. Crank Two. We just buy the dvd for a dollar & she's on her way saying she'll back in in a few with more goodies. Yes.
And now there's another frequent customer. I think something is wrong him though. I'm stuck between he actually has mental problems or he did a lot of acid/other pyschedlics growing up cos his brain just seems to be fried. Truly is a very nice guy. He kind of reminds me of someone who would be super into Elvis Costello & the boyscouts, which is cool, do you & do it well. He has super tight jeans pulled up to his belly button so his socks are showing with a weird, 60's esque pattern button down shirt tucked-in. Now when I say boyscouts, not the pedephile esque type deal I'm probably pompously making this dude sound like. Just really high pants with his tan socks showing, black pleather shoes, a red bandana around his neck, weird glasses that aren't glasses at all & a tan scuba diving hat. He kind of talks like the counselor that says, "mmkay" a lot on South Park & stutters a lot. He's usually in here for two hours at a time going back & forth between the 4,000 something dvds we have or the 400 cds on the wall we have. I feel like he literally goes through every single one reading the inserts. In fact, I know he does. What the fuck else do you do for two hours in a pawn shop?
Introducing...
An introduction -
My name is Mike. I'm freshly 21, currently not in any form of school, rather cynical & I play in a couple bands. Don't judge me. I work at a pawn shop in a rural, suburban setting with quite the array of people. The "shop," as we call it, was once owned by a very good friend of mine's father, Bob. Bob was a good man. An honest, hard-working man who made money his own way & he did it well. He sold the business about two years ago to a man named Matt. Matt is my boss. Matt is not Bob. In hopes to explain Matt as best as I can, I will leave it short; He is a businessman. Business man >/= asshole. He likes his money & is usually always right. awesome. I also work with a 32 year old man/dude named Mark. Good dude, funny stories, sometimes a big baby & he smokes a lot of weed. He ended up here after work for his Surveying job fell through. Mostly due to this piece of shit "recession", which is also why I still work here. There is another guy that works once in a while named Stan. Stan is 32 as well & he did HVAC shit for a while but decided to go back to school to get into radiology. Stan is also a good dude, very nice, buys pizza & gives me weed sometimes.
The job is really low-key. I really don't do shit but sit behind a computer, search the interwebs & say, "How are you today? Is there anything you're looking for?" I don't really have to put up with people's shit either, which is a plus. Now if you're familiar with pawn shops - they suck. We suck. I highly do not recommend coming to one to sell something/get a loan on anything. The interest rate we give out on loans is 17%. What the fuck, right? That's more than the interest on my car loan & I received that with absolutely no credit. It should be known right now that I hate my fucking job. I hate ripping people off. We play on people's desperation which is fucked & has thus added to my cynical nature. Do what you have to do. I've bills. Such is Life. Albeit, you CAN find good deals on some things, but mostly not. We're selling a USED PS3 for $349. You can get a brand new one for $299. We sell Xbox 360s for the same price as they are brand new. Matt's way of thinking is this - You mark the price up really high so when you lower the price people will think they're getting a deal. Example: The PS3. Take $50 off & some fucking idiot is supposed to think he's getting a steal for $300. Which sadly, I wouldn't put past anyone but it's not like anything is selling. The PS3 has been sitting here for a long, long time. Let's get one thing straight - It's not like that stupid fucking television show on the History or the A&E channel, whatever. You bring in a piece of armor or a busted arcade game we will look at you like you're fucking stupid & tell you we won't buy it. Matt makes his money off buying gold, so I'm told.
I started this blog to share my stories from working here. Where this pawn shop operates is a pretty safe place but there are some interesting fucking people here(like everywhere). Naturally, I have some stories to tell from these beautiful & wonderful people that make up this small world of ours. I hope you find entertainment from this & even if you don't - I don't care because you still read some of it which is kind of cool for me. Enjoy.
My name is Mike. I'm freshly 21, currently not in any form of school, rather cynical & I play in a couple bands. Don't judge me. I work at a pawn shop in a rural, suburban setting with quite the array of people. The "shop," as we call it, was once owned by a very good friend of mine's father, Bob. Bob was a good man. An honest, hard-working man who made money his own way & he did it well. He sold the business about two years ago to a man named Matt. Matt is my boss. Matt is not Bob. In hopes to explain Matt as best as I can, I will leave it short; He is a businessman. Business man >/= asshole. He likes his money & is usually always right. awesome. I also work with a 32 year old man/dude named Mark. Good dude, funny stories, sometimes a big baby & he smokes a lot of weed. He ended up here after work for his Surveying job fell through. Mostly due to this piece of shit "recession", which is also why I still work here. There is another guy that works once in a while named Stan. Stan is 32 as well & he did HVAC shit for a while but decided to go back to school to get into radiology. Stan is also a good dude, very nice, buys pizza & gives me weed sometimes.
The job is really low-key. I really don't do shit but sit behind a computer, search the interwebs & say, "How are you today? Is there anything you're looking for?" I don't really have to put up with people's shit either, which is a plus. Now if you're familiar with pawn shops - they suck. We suck. I highly do not recommend coming to one to sell something/get a loan on anything. The interest rate we give out on loans is 17%. What the fuck, right? That's more than the interest on my car loan & I received that with absolutely no credit. It should be known right now that I hate my fucking job. I hate ripping people off. We play on people's desperation which is fucked & has thus added to my cynical nature. Do what you have to do. I've bills. Such is Life. Albeit, you CAN find good deals on some things, but mostly not. We're selling a USED PS3 for $349. You can get a brand new one for $299. We sell Xbox 360s for the same price as they are brand new. Matt's way of thinking is this - You mark the price up really high so when you lower the price people will think they're getting a deal. Example: The PS3. Take $50 off & some fucking idiot is supposed to think he's getting a steal for $300. Which sadly, I wouldn't put past anyone but it's not like anything is selling. The PS3 has been sitting here for a long, long time. Let's get one thing straight - It's not like that stupid fucking television show on the History or the A&E channel, whatever. You bring in a piece of armor or a busted arcade game we will look at you like you're fucking stupid & tell you we won't buy it. Matt makes his money off buying gold, so I'm told.
I started this blog to share my stories from working here. Where this pawn shop operates is a pretty safe place but there are some interesting fucking people here(like everywhere). Naturally, I have some stories to tell from these beautiful & wonderful people that make up this small world of ours. I hope you find entertainment from this & even if you don't - I don't care because you still read some of it which is kind of cool for me. Enjoy.
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